A change of view

It’s funny how the way you see the world can change instantly. With the birth of Eleanor, the way I saw Dorothy changed. Dorothy took on a new look, she went from being this tiny child to me to being so big! She didn’t really change but my interpretation of her did. She was suddenly heavy to lift, and so active in a way I didn’t realize before. She is so busy, and talks so much! Eleanor is a sleepy baby, very relaxed. Nothing about Dorothy really changed but I changed. I took on a new perspective, I had her sister to compare her with.
I know many parents feel anxiety over having to split their time between two children before or once the second child arrives. I was no different, and still worry about giving each one enough attention. I worry that because Eleanore is so small and un-demanding with my time and attention I ignore her. Once those feelings and thoughts hit I give her my full on attention. Which leaves me to worry about leaving Dorothy hanging. She was so used to being the center of my world and now that she’s not, I worry she will suffer in some way.
I am aware that these feelings will even out as we all get settled in (which has been made harder over the last 3 weeks due to my being sick). I am also aware that my hormones are affecting me significantly. The knowledge of these additional factors should reassure me that everything is fine and normal. But the irrational side of my mind takes over more often than not.
As of this moment in time though, with both girls fast asleep, safe and happy, I feel peace, which is the feeling I will hold on to when my irrational fears pop up.

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One comment on “A change of view

  1. Brandy says:

    I’m sure your little angel with understand. After all she is now the big sister and she has a big responsibility in the future, to be the role model and guide for her darling little sister.

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