Friends and friendship. Each relationship is different and has its own unique aspects about it. Relationships in general are complex but friendships are some of the most interesting I think. I have been thinking about friendship and the friends I have had over the years. I wonder if its true that people come in and out of your life as you need them or they need you? Or if friendships start and end randomly. (I guess this all has to do with whether you believe in fate and destiny in one form or another) I’m not sure if I do or not anymore.
I have been on the end of many friendships that have ended. For one reason or another, a friendship ends, its always strange. Sometimes I was unprepared or did not want the relationship to end, other times I could not move away from the relationship fast enough. And now I’m finding that I am old enough for friendships to end because of distance and time apart and growing up/apart. No matter how the relationship ended I feel sad at its end, even when I am the one ending it. (Not unlike romantic relationships, but different in that this was only friendship, no aspect of romance existed) Closeness, the depth of the friendship, makes it more painful when it ends.
Its been years since I was hurt by a former friend for what I felt was stupid reasons, and I am still saddened and hurt, by it when I think about it. I feel one of my most valued friendships is coming to an end, not because of my or the other persons conscious decisions to end the relationship. It is more due to lack of time and the physical distance between us. I am mourning the end of this relationship. It is one I value greatly. I worked very hard to maintain the relationship after Dorothy was born, and now it is out of my reach. I go through between feeling mad and upset to extremely saddened by the loss of this person’s involvement in my life, and mine in theirs.
There is one small glimmer of hope that in the future the friendship will grow strong again, and I truly hope that this happens soon.