the most reluctant iphone owner

I got talked into keeping it! damn salesman at the at&t store…. I downed my allowed data, and I am determined not to use it at all. I am not even looking at the app store, I will only use it for email from a wi-fi location. Its for texting and calls, and to be used as an ipod otherwise. I’m not going to even put facebook or any other websites on it. its not worth it for me … I’m still not sure I want it maybe I will just have to go there and return it anyway. I just feel so ridicules and irresponsible with it.



I am making my husband take mine back. I know, I must have lost my mind… but honestly I really didn’t want it. Its expensive. I feel so crazy about money these days, I am so worried to spend even 2$ extra on anything that I see it as an unnecessary frivolity! I know he really wanted one. Let him keep his. I give in to things for him a lot, so I dont really mind… if there is something I really want I can have it, usually. The thing is what I really want is a house. More than anything I want a house and a particular one …

As for the iphone don’t have time to play with it, or even want to. I tried to check it out the other day and got annoyed with how much time I spent with it and not my school work. Girls where asleep, what the hell was I doing??

I spent today with it, and must admit I really do like it but again I can’t stand to spend that kind of money on something I really don’t need. Hanukkah is coming and I can use that money on my children. I need clothes for work which I have been putting off for months… maybe I should take care of that?? Next year when I am working for pay I will treat my self to an iphone, if we already have a house. And if I have time to use it….

The odd thing about friendships

Friends and friendship. Each relationship is different and has its own unique aspects about it. Relationships in general are complex but friendships are some of the most interesting I think. I have been thinking about friendship and the friends I have had over the years. I wonder if its true that  people come in and out of your life as you need them or they need you? Or if friendships start and end randomly. (I guess this all has to do with whether you believe in fate and destiny in one form or another) I’m not sure if I do or not anymore.

I have been on the end of many friendships that have ended. For one reason or another, a friendship ends, its always strange. Sometimes I was unprepared or did not want the relationship to end, other times I could not move away from the relationship fast enough. And now I’m finding that I am old enough for friendships to end because of distance and time apart and growing up/apart. No matter how the relationship ended I feel sad at its end, even when I am the one ending it. (Not unlike romantic relationships, but different in that this was only friendship, no aspect of romance existed) Closeness, the depth of the friendship, makes it more painful when it ends.

Its been years since I was hurt by a former friend for what I felt was stupid reasons, and I am still saddened and hurt, by it when I think about it. I feel one of my most valued friendships is coming to an end, not because of my or the other persons conscious decisions  to end the relationship. It is more due to lack of time and the physical distance between us. I am mourning the end of this relationship. It is one I value greatly. I worked very hard to maintain the relationship after Dorothy was born, and now it is out of my reach. I go through between feeling mad and upset to extremely saddened by the loss of this person’s involvement in my life, and mine in theirs.

There is one small glimmer of hope that in the future the friendship will grow strong again, and I truly hope that this happens soon.

Jewish Holidays

In upstate NY there isn’t a large population of Jews. For the few of us that are here, its fine you learn to live with and accept it as fact.
Thus the majority or people I encounter do not understand how our holidays work. Jewish Holidays ALWAYS start at SUNSET!!! not sunrise, as Christian holidays start. We have Hanukkah Nights, you have Christmas Morning.
This year I will be student teaching. I am extremely excited to do this, get in the classroom and work with students. The school calendar has 1 of 2 major Jewish holidays in September (High Holidays) off. ONLY WE HAVE THE WRONG DAY OFF! This is frustrating beyond belief. The school calendar gives us the day off for Rosh Hashanah. Only the day of the actual holiday is the next day. The day the school gives off Rosh Hashanah starts that evening and the holiday extends to the next day, when I am expected to be in school.

This means that I will not be able to take my children to holiday services, which upsets me. We have made it a tradition since Dorothy was 1 to attend services with the Rabbi who married us, Rabbi Alpern. Matt and I really enjoy going, and its great for our children.

I understand and accept that people in upstate new york are confused, but wouldn’t it seem logical for a SCHOOL to check and make sure they are giving the right day off for a holiday? What if we had the day after Christmas off instead of Christmas?? Really it would be better if they gave no day off and I just could say that I had to take the day off to attend services. Now it will just look like I’m greedy with days off the very first week of school. So no I doubt I will take this year off, but only because I will be student teaching, and its a different situation then from a paid position.

Movies made from Books

Matt is making me watch New Moon. I really hate watching movies of books I’ve read. I really enjoyed New Moon and the other books in the Twilight series. I have avoided watching the Harry Potter movies for years. I LOVE Harry Potter, why spoil the wonderful world my brain created by watching other people’s interpretation of it? The voices I created in my head for the characters, and the way I saw them and interpreted the books is altered. I lost the world I imagined. I think the writer loses the world they created and allows their creativity to be questioned. I am all for a reinterpretation of a book, and enjoy discussing books with people. It’s nice to take on what they took from the reading that I might have missed. I also love doing this in a classroom or school setting but that’s for another time.

I really enjoy my books. And when the live screen interpretation of a book I love doesn’t meet my standards exactly I become annoyed and sad. And then Mad. I get mad that my children will likely see the movies and have no interest in reading the books. They won’t be able to enjoy the experience I so cherished. The only time I have ever seen a movie and then gone on to read the books was Anne of Green Gables. And those books are great, as are the movies!!

Side note: maybe its always book 2 in a series, but the second book in Harry Potter and in Twilight series are my least favorite and the books I always skim instead of reread when I am reading the series again. I wonder why?

1st tooth!

Eleanor’s 1st tooth finally showed up!! After weeks of teething, and fussiness she has something to show for it!! It will probably go back down into the gums and we won’t see it for another few days but I’m sure it’s there! Dorothy of course wanted to see and was frustrated when she didn’t see anything. I told her it takes a few days to grow in and that seemed to make it ok. I wish that Eleanor’s teeth could have waited a few months to show up… again my baby girl is growing up way to fast!!

Our small bed

Sometimes I find that l like my children best when they are sleeping. They are peaceful and quite and look so pleasant. The other morning Dorothy climbed into my bed, as she does just about every day.  She lied down, and fell asleep on Matt’s side of the bed. I brought Ellie to the bed to nurse, and we fell asleep to. When I woke up Dorothy and Ellie had their heads together and both were fast asleep. It was so cute!

This morning Eleanor woke me up with a surprise, an exploding diaper… this was the 3rd exploding diaper in as many days.  After putting her on the bed, surrounded by pillows so she couldn’t go anywhere, I started to change her sheets. When I cam back into the room Eleanor had fallen back asleep toes in her mouth!

The girls often end up in our bed. Dorothy crawls in during the early morning hours, and Ellie and I often both fall asleep at some point during nursing. Our little bed (only a full size) gets very crowded. I can’t wait until we buy a house and then eventually buy a new bed, maybe a King size just to make up for the crowded one we have now. But by then our kids won’t be crawling n anymore. It will be so big Matt and I won’t be able to find each other… I’ll miss him, or maybe then his snoring won’t bother me so much since he’ll be so far away.