Friends and friendship. Each relationship is different and has its own unique aspects about it. Relationships in general are complex but friendships are some of the most interesting I think. I have been thinking about friendship and the friends I have had over the years. I wonder if its true that people come in and out of your life as you need them or they need you? Or if friendships start and end randomly. (I guess this all has to do with whether you believe in fate and destiny in one form or another) I’m not sure if I do or not anymore.
I have been on the end of many friendships that have ended. For one reason or another, a friendship ends, its always strange. Sometimes I was unprepared or did not want the relationship to end, other times I could not move away from the relationship fast enough. And now I’m finding that I am old enough for friendships to end because of distance and time apart and growing up/apart. No matter how the relationship ended I feel sad at its end, even when I am the one ending it. (Not unlike romantic relationships, but different in that this was only friendship, no aspect of romance existed) Closeness, the depth of the friendship, makes it more painful when it ends.
Its been years since I was hurt by a former friend for what I felt was stupid reasons, and I am still saddened and hurt, by it when I think about it. I feel one of my most valued friendships is coming to an end, not because of my or the other persons conscious decisions to end the relationship. It is more due to lack of time and the physical distance between us. I am mourning the end of this relationship. It is one I value greatly. I worked very hard to maintain the relationship after Dorothy was born, and now it is out of my reach. I go through between feeling mad and upset to extremely saddened by the loss of this person’s involvement in my life, and mine in theirs.
There is one small glimmer of hope that in the future the friendship will grow strong again, and I truly hope that this happens soon.
We went blueberry picking over the weekend. Not only was it a fun family day out but we came home with some extremely delicious berries! It was a whole family outing, Matt came with us even though he doesn’t like blueberries! It was so much fun… we went with 2 other families, and all our kids are friends. Dorothy loved running through the bushes hunting for blue berries and not pink ones. She did fall once and spill out her berries, which we then filled up again – really fast!
She also ate more blueberries then she picked. So did I. I think everyone just about filled up on berries, except for Matt and Eleanor.
Ellie didn’t want to remain in the carrier. All she wanted to do was keep an eye on her sister and her sister’s friends, as they where having so much fun. Matt and I took turns holding Ellie and the container for berries while one of us picked.We had a great time, it was a perfect outing. We ended the morning with lunch and ice cream from The Ice Cream Man. We LOVE the ice cream from there, I’ll brave a night of a stomach ache etc for their ice cream. (which they now sell at Coffee Planet in B’Spa!! It was so nice to sit outside on the black metal table and chairs and enjoy a ice cream cone and only have to spend 5 minuets in the car to get there and then home.)
Now I have a very large bag of frozen blueberries to sit next to my strawberries. I can’t wait to have them as another reminder of this past summer one cold snowy morning in December.
I was thinking of baking blueberry tofu pie, that my mom used to make and I remember loving (its been a long time since she made it) but Dorothy eat a large majority of the berries already, and I want to make smoothies with her with whats left over. We really only have enough left to make smoothies or just eat them… which ever comes first.
I know this is totally a stereotype that I’m falling into but I never expected to have the life I do now when I was growing up. AND if someone had told me where I was going to end up I would have laughed, and possibly freaked out. (I really didn’t think I wanted to be married and have children, but how many people in their teens and early 20’s know what they want like that?)
Recently I reconnected with a friend from elementary school. We were updating each other on how our lives turned out, and I was happily surprised to hear how well things have turned out for her and her family. In updating her on where I ended up, I was a little shocked to read what I typed. While writing to her, I had mentally fallen back into the person I was when I knew her a little bit. The shock I had been from looking at my life from the point of view of a much younger me.
I believe she was also a bit surprised. We had once been extremely close, at least I thought we were. I didn’t realize she had not met my youngest brother, for instance. We were no longer friends at that time, but I had just assumed that she had because both my brother and this friend are so tied up in my growing up. (even if I was already grown when my brother was born).
Its odd to look back and forgetting where and how the pieces of your life fit together. I thought that only happened when you reached old age. Now I am realizing that it happens when you reach motherhood!